Question: 30 years from now, will your child have good memories of you or will those memories be of a distant or disconnected father?
I do many radio interviews regarding my work with fatherhood programs. In one of my earliest interviews, the host talked to me about his how his 30-year-old son will often ask him about things that happened as the son grew up. The interesting part if this is that the dad does not recall these events happening. These are events that the son thinks were important. The host said to me, "I'm always surprised by what my son will say, because I don't even remember doing those things."
Well, I was not surprised. Looking back on my own life and talking with many dads, I know that we are making memories for our kids every day. Your kids will remember things you did that you will not. The quick moments in the car, the surprise trips for ice cream and other small things can make memories for your child. Your children are watching and experiencing every single thing that you do, absorbing your example like the little sponges that they are.
Not only will your children remember what you did, they will remember the lessons you taught them. The will remember the stories that you tell. Whether it is at bedtime, in the car or even standing in line at the grocery store, those storytelling moments are being stored in the minds of your children. So, tell stories. Learn to put down the storybook. Learn to be able to speak to your child at almost anytime about nearly anything that you want to. So, when your children are much older, they will ask, "Do you remember when we...?" You will most likely say, "What? I don't remember doing that!" They will answer, "But that made such a huge difference in my life."
You have considerable power with your kids. Sometimes it is hard for dads to recognize the huge influence that we have on our children. If ever you think, "Ugh, this activity is a waste of time!" I want you to remember this short article. I want you to think about that radio man and his 30-year-old son who said to him, "Do you remember the time that you...?" Some day, your children are going to look back very fondly on the memories you are making right now.
What will you do today to create a positive memory in your child?
Kamis, 24 Agustus 2017
Jumat, 11 Agustus 2017
Fatherhood - A Transcending Journey of Personal Growth
During a lunch conversation with an acquaintance, someone asked me,
'I heard your wife is pregnant. So, when will you become a father?'
'Actually I am a father already' I said.
'Oh, I didn't know your wife has given birth already!'
'No. She is still in her 1st trimester of pregnancy!' He was staring at me with funny look!
When do we become FATHER? Is it when our child is born or once he/she is conceived in the mother's womb? Not trying to be philosophical or abstract here. Fatherhood is not so much a biological process but rather a maturing process that will challenge us in many aspects of who we are as a person. Fatherhood transcends the title of being called a father or daddy! Fatherhood reflects our inner values, true character and virtues, if any.
I am a very 'matured' or aged father. My fatherhood did not arrive until the age of 46. When my wife was conceived, I couldn't quite grasp the reality that I am a father. I had long given up the hope of fathering a child. Suddenly, I was blessed by the goodness of the Creator with a child. To me, the little image that I first saw in the ultrasound image was an awesome and touching experience from Heaven. What I thought I could or would never have, I have all of a sudden.
Fatherhood is influenced by many factors or persons including our father, upbringing and personal character development over the years. Sadly, I have heard, known and seen some 'fathers' living without much thought of what it means to be a father, except viewing it as an inescapable attachment of a title and economic burden due to some natural biological consequence. The view of this new role as a heavy burden rather than a blessing seems to torment these men of such mentality and attitude. Our view of fatherhood directly affects our family and the fate of our next generation. It will have great impact on many lives, not just our child, but also our immediate circle of family. We can leave behind a legacy that can and will influence our descendants. However, let's limit our focus to the next generation.
We are responsible for who our children will grow up to be. Or, at the least, we play a key role in preparing them for who they might become one day. Many parents leave their child to the teachers at school. When something went wrong, they start looking for scapegoats. They blame the teachers and bang tables at school. Why are we blaming the school or the teachers? The child is ours or the school's? The teachers'?. Like it or not, we will shape our children future. More correctly, we will shape them for who they aspire to be or hate to be.
BUT, fatherhood takes more than just being responsible. Responsibility and accountability suit well for a job or at work. If fathers are merely being responsible and accountable, then we have not touched the heart of fatherhood. Trustees and guardians are expected to be responsible and accountable by the legal system. Yes, fathers are charged with responsibility and accountability.
Examine our motives and idea of fatherhood. When we nurture and teach our child, what are our motives and expectation? Are we holding the cane, trying to pound the child into our shadow? We are we. Our child is our child. Or, are we trying to beat and mold them into someone we long to be? What we could not be, we expect them to be? Worse, are we letting them to be molded and savaged by random environmental forces?
Fathers, sit back and examine our heart and mind. Fatherhood is more than the significance of a figure feared by our child. Fatherhood is far beyond the male ego within us. Fatherhood is our test of character. Do we love our child because of the biological connection? Do we love our child only when are free and convenient? If that is the case, we don't know what love is. We only loving ourselves selfishly.
'I heard your wife is pregnant. So, when will you become a father?'
'Actually I am a father already' I said.
'Oh, I didn't know your wife has given birth already!'
'No. She is still in her 1st trimester of pregnancy!' He was staring at me with funny look!
When do we become FATHER? Is it when our child is born or once he/she is conceived in the mother's womb? Not trying to be philosophical or abstract here. Fatherhood is not so much a biological process but rather a maturing process that will challenge us in many aspects of who we are as a person. Fatherhood transcends the title of being called a father or daddy! Fatherhood reflects our inner values, true character and virtues, if any.
I am a very 'matured' or aged father. My fatherhood did not arrive until the age of 46. When my wife was conceived, I couldn't quite grasp the reality that I am a father. I had long given up the hope of fathering a child. Suddenly, I was blessed by the goodness of the Creator with a child. To me, the little image that I first saw in the ultrasound image was an awesome and touching experience from Heaven. What I thought I could or would never have, I have all of a sudden.
Fatherhood is influenced by many factors or persons including our father, upbringing and personal character development over the years. Sadly, I have heard, known and seen some 'fathers' living without much thought of what it means to be a father, except viewing it as an inescapable attachment of a title and economic burden due to some natural biological consequence. The view of this new role as a heavy burden rather than a blessing seems to torment these men of such mentality and attitude. Our view of fatherhood directly affects our family and the fate of our next generation. It will have great impact on many lives, not just our child, but also our immediate circle of family. We can leave behind a legacy that can and will influence our descendants. However, let's limit our focus to the next generation.
We are responsible for who our children will grow up to be. Or, at the least, we play a key role in preparing them for who they might become one day. Many parents leave their child to the teachers at school. When something went wrong, they start looking for scapegoats. They blame the teachers and bang tables at school. Why are we blaming the school or the teachers? The child is ours or the school's? The teachers'?. Like it or not, we will shape our children future. More correctly, we will shape them for who they aspire to be or hate to be.
BUT, fatherhood takes more than just being responsible. Responsibility and accountability suit well for a job or at work. If fathers are merely being responsible and accountable, then we have not touched the heart of fatherhood. Trustees and guardians are expected to be responsible and accountable by the legal system. Yes, fathers are charged with responsibility and accountability.
Examine our motives and idea of fatherhood. When we nurture and teach our child, what are our motives and expectation? Are we holding the cane, trying to pound the child into our shadow? We are we. Our child is our child. Or, are we trying to beat and mold them into someone we long to be? What we could not be, we expect them to be? Worse, are we letting them to be molded and savaged by random environmental forces?
Fathers, sit back and examine our heart and mind. Fatherhood is more than the significance of a figure feared by our child. Fatherhood is far beyond the male ego within us. Fatherhood is our test of character. Do we love our child because of the biological connection? Do we love our child only when are free and convenient? If that is the case, we don't know what love is. We only loving ourselves selfishly.
Langganan:
Postingan (Atom)